Aviously

Because, aviously…

InstLife is the latest fad game, to hit Android (only available on Google Play, with talk of an upcoming iOS app), and it’s the perfect example of a mind-numbingly boring, time-consuming, game, made by Indie company InstCoffee.

Like your life – but instant.

Upon opening the game you are born as a random gender in a random country, and instantly your life takes off.

Go to school, get a degree…find jobs or be unemployed for life…
Find a lover, a mistress, have drugs, drink too much, get a drivers license, or just go to the gym with your last dollars.
Buy a house or car, plan a family vacation, and figure out your sexual orientation.

This game lets you live life, from start to finish, in a matter of minutes, eliminating the need (for now) of a save function.

InstLife is still under development, and every update provides new exciting features and life events (or ads…but you can’t really fault them for that), but is an enjoyable play for a few times thru on a rainy day.

What if I told you that this show was terrible? Well, that would be false. But if I told you you’d enjoy it, you shouldn’t disagree. But look away, and don’t take in the troubles that the Baudelaire’s have to face in Season 2.

The banker (K. Todd Freeman) is still clueless *cough*, the narrator (Lemony Snicket/Patrick Warburton) warns you to stay away, yet you can’t take your eyes off of the screen.
And why would you want to? Neil Patrick Harris as Count Olaf is outstanding. His multitude of characters and disguises continues to show his range and abilities.

They address the aging of the children as they’ve been sitting on a bench waiting forever to be taken care of…and Sunny (Presley Smith) is the cutest character on television, with teeth that can cut thru everything.

Lemony: Nobody should be here. Because everything about the Baudelaire orphan situation is horrible to contemplate.
Poe: Everything about the Baudelaire orphan situation is delightful to contemplate.

The Quagmire triplets (definitely not twins) play a much larger role this Season, and the guest list is star-powered, featuring Tony Hale (Arrested Development), Nathan Fillion, David Alan Grier (In Living Color), and Robbie Amell (When We First Met).

They do a fun job referencing the show, mentioning “other episodes” and even NPH in How I Met Your Mother, and I can’t wait for the third and final season, and for us to maybe find out what VFD actually stands for…

This show continues its outstanding run and gets a 9 out of 10 for Season 2.

The Washington Post published an op-ed on March 29th entitled “I Am Tired of Being a Jewish Man’s Rebellion” by Carey Purcell, and I wish I could say that it was an April Fools joke.
The article comes across as idiotic and makes her sound like she isn’t the brightest bulb in the box.

Now personally, I am not easily offended and feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether they are right or wrong. But as I read through this article, the stupidity that I was reading actually hurt my head and made me realize how clueless people can be to other religions, or even to their own…now let’s dissect:

  • First of all, congrats Carey on knowing how to mix a drink, and not having control of how much alcohol you actually put in. Maybe if you weren’t drinking them too often, you wouldn’t have a problem finding men who will stay with you.
  • You call yourself a “very liberal Christian”, but when these guys who are “lackadaisical Jewish” don’t know their own religion you get upset…maybe it’s hard for you to understand, but within every single religion there are different levels of religion. Some people keep more of the laws, some keep less. Some keep them in public, some keep them in private, and some are just doing their own things.
  • Do you Carey not eat meat every Friday during Lent? What about when there’s that 5 for $5 sale…have you ever snuck a quick burger in? But man, these Jews don’t fast on Yom Kippur, aren’t they just the worst?
  • You dated two guys for a few years total…you stuck with them despite these “flaws in their Judaism”…yet now that you are alone and miserable, you use those as your excuse to lash out against Jews.

I now half-jokingly consider myself a Jewish man’s rebellion and guard myself against again landing in that role.
But, living in New York and working in theater, I frequently meet Jewish men. At almost every event I go to, they approach me. As flattered as I am, I don’t welcome the complications and potential heartbreak I’ve experienced back into my life.

  • I work in the Television industry, and meet no Orthodox Jewish women…and somehow I don’t date the Christians that I meet because I know that that’s not what I ultimately want. I have a little thing called “self-control”.

Maybe your issue is that you are dating the wrong kind of Jews, because like you said: “Jews are more likely to intermarry than other religions.”…or maybe the problem isn’t them, but your close-minded-self.

My second in a series of brackets will focus on Netflix, after the infamous Disney vs. Pixar bracket…and if you have any ideas for future ones, send them my way!


ROUND OF 32

House of Cards vs. Fuller House – House of Cards — House of Cards, despite recent issues, was one of the first binge-watch shows, and will easily beat out a reboot
Orange is the New Black vs. The Punisher – The Punisher — By far the hardest matchup of the round. OITNB has become a classic staple of Netflix, but has it run its run out? I put thru The Punisher, as it’s part of MCU, but can also stand as its own great show
Sense8 vs. Atypical – Atypical — An autistic child coming-of-age takes the cake over Sci-Fi
Narcos vs. Jessica Jones – Jessica Jones — Narcos to me was always someone reading a boring Wikipedia page…while Jessica Jones’ Season 1 is my favorite Marvel season on Netflix

Stranger Things vs. Master of None – Master of None — Aziz may have come under fire for his dating actions, but his character is super-relatable
The Crown vs. She’s Gotta Have It – The Crown — Queen Elizabeth is going to wave her way thru to the Sweet 16
The OA vs. On My Block – On My Block — No idea on either of these shows…
A Series of Unfortunate Events vs. Santa Clarita Diet – A Series of Unfortunate Events — Neil Patrick Harris was really good as Count Olaf, who just returned this weekend for Season 2

13 Reasons Why vs. Grace and Frankie – 13 Reasons Why — 13 Reasons Why faced a lot of flack when it first launched, but upon first watching it was one of the best things I’d seen on Netflix
Ozark vs. Dear White People – Ozark — Jason Bateman headed to the Ozarks to launder monies for the Cartel
Mindhunter vs. Everything Sucks! – Everything Sucks! — Mindhunter had potential and turned into a boring dud, while Sucks! was a 90s A/V club special
Altered Carbon vs. Glow – Glow — Women’s wrestling took a whole new light in Glow

Alexa and Katie vs. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt — Unbreakable won’t get bracket busted
Nailed It vs. One Day at a Time – Nailed It — Mmm, food.
Luke Cage vs. Queer Eye – Luke Cage — Only the third Marvel show to make the cut into the Round of 32
Castlevania vs. American Vandal – American Vandal — Mockumentary > Animation?


SWEET SIXTEEN

House of Cards vs. The Punisher – The Punisher — HoC having more seasons hurts it, as some of the boring moments make it fall behind The Punisher, which can grab any audience
Atypical vs. Jessica Jones – Jessica Jones — Kilgrave should use his powers to get rid of Michael Rapaport

Master of None vs. The Crown – The Crown — Prince Philip was outstanding and much better than “Arnold”
On My Block vs. A Series of Unfortunate Events – A Series of Unfortunate Events — The Baudelaire orphans advance thru to the Elite Eight

13 Reasons Why vs. Ozark – 13 Reasons Why — Ozark was innovative and entertaining, but the audio tapes will move on
Everything Sucks! vs. Glow – Glow — Alison Brie showed off her moves in the ring with this 80s show knocking out the 90s

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt vs. Nailed It – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt — Titus Andromedon…need I say more? Besides “Pinot Noir”
Luke Cage vs. American Vandal – Luke Cage — Netflix’ strong man powers thru this one


ELITE EIGHT

The Punisher vs. Jessica Jones – Jessica Jones — The only MCU vs MCU matchup I have this tournament…and Jessica’s heroine side will take out the lovable villain of Frank Castle

The Crown vs. A Series of Unfortunate Events – The Crown — Historical fiction should not be this good…but the monarchy is thoroughly entertaining

13 Reasons Why vs. Glow – 13 Reasons Why — “The little things matter” and will beat out Marc Maron

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt vs. Luke Cage – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt — It’s a miracle!


FINAL FOUR

Jessica Jones vs. The Crown – Jessica Jones — Both Final Four matchups are tough, but Jessica’s story in Season 1 is better than when the Kennedy’s visited England

13 Reasons Why vs. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt — Suicide vs. the bubbliest show on Netflix…Dark vs. light…Kimmy will advance


CHAMPIONSHIP

Jessica Jones vs. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT — This one was a real buzzer beater, but the mole people will come out of their bunker, and take the Championship over Patsy

The last animated movie I saw, Coco, was one of the best I’ve seen it years, so Ferdinand would have a hard time living up to it…but it made a really good effort of getting there.

From a young age Ferdinand wasn’t like the other bulls…while they were all headbutting with their freshly grown horns, he was watering flowers…and when the Matadors showed up his dad was picked to go the ring.
But he didn’t want to grow up and be like his father, he just doesn’t want to fight.

Thankfully he settles in with a family that supports his flower addiction, and loves him for who he is…but when he goes off the reservation, he gets returned to his childhood home and pushed towards bullfighting again.

One of the funniest scenes is when this overly large, gentle bull, is making his way through a china shop, trying his hardest not to break anything.

The cast includes John Cena, Kate McKinnon, Anthony Anderson, David Tennant, Gina Rodriguez, and the hilarious Peyton Manning.

The music is okay, the storyline is fine, but overall it could’ve been made a lot shorter. It was enjoyable but not outstanding. It’s a very silly movie, pulling in an 8 out of 10.

Sneaky Pete released Season 2 on Amazon almost three weeks ago…which is an eon ago in terms of “binge watch television”. But getting released in the same weekend as Jessica Jones and Love didn’t do it any favors.
But despite dropping to Number 3 on my watch list for the weekend, this season kept up with the big guns.

Last season we had a lot of Marius (Giovanni Ribisi) pretending to be Pete and living with his family, but by the end of the season he was mixed up in all of their messes, from bail bonds to cops getting killed.

But people still want to get ahold of Marius and have him return monies owed, and Season 2 picks up right there, as everyone has a little secret, and no one knows the next persons, so it’s only a matter of time before it all comes out…especially when it involves that aforementioned dead cop.

Also, the real Pete is getting out of prison, and it’s bound to be chaos if he goes back home…especially as his real mother comes out of the woodwork.

Now Marius has to do one big con to help free his new found family from his previous mistakes.

This “Ocean’s Eleven” style show, stretched over a full season, was one of the slowest binges I’ve done in years. But I wasn’t bored with it, but at the same time, I wasn’t enamored. It’s enjoyable, but not necessarily memorable. This season gets another 7 out of 10.

The latest (and last?) Pitch Perfect movie is an entertaining watch, but definitely not the best of the trilogy.

The music, as always, is on-point, with a great variety of songs, and they do most of them justice.

But they forced a riff-off into this movie, and while it did add musical instruments to the acapella, it was just lackluster and not at all fun. The first two included some great moments, like Anna Kendrick’s No Diggity in PP1 and the Green Bay Packers showing up for PP2, this one just had nothing…although I will give them the great timing on The Cranberries’ Zombie.

Stick with me, I know lots of Italian. Gellato margarita, ravioli. -Fat Amy

One thing that does help the movie was its list of special guests, such as John Lithgow, Guy Burnet, DJ Khaled, Ruby Rose, and of course the announcing duo of John Michael Higgins and Elizabeth Banks.

What I really want next from this franchises is a spin-off, starring Anna Kendrick and Hailee Steinfeld…and maybe Hana Mae Lee (Lilly).

I enjoyed it, but it’s not worth more than a 6.5 out of 10.

Everyone has got the brackets going for March Madness, and the popular one this weekend was Disney vs Pixar…and even though I voted on a friends poll (his didn’t go my way), I figured I’d put my thoughts out there on the Disney/Pixar universe!
And maybe this will also be my first bracket in a new segment?


ROUND OF 32

Lion King vs. Tarzan – Lion King — Tarzan is an Ape Man, and that’s pretty cool…but the hyenas will laugh them out of this competition
Princess and the Frog vs. Lilo & Stitch – Lilo & Stitch — That little blue creep moves on
Tangled vs. Big Hero 6 – Tangled — I didn’t watch either of these…so I advanced the one that I know more about
Frozen vs. Moana – Moana — One of the toughest matchups of the first round, and while Frozen was a good fad, Moana will likely stand the test of time

Aladdin vs. Hercules – Aladdin — Abu could kick Hercules’ butt…
The Little Mermaid vs. Pocahantas – The Little Mermaid — Under the sea, under the sea…come on, sing along!
Mulan vs. Zootopia – Zootopia — Mulan is a tough one to beat, but the sloth of Zootopia zooms through this round
Beauty and the Beast vs. Nightmare Before Christmas – Beauty and the Beast — I mean is this even a contest?

Up vs. Brave – Up — Up tugs at all the right strings
Toy Story vs. Toy Story 2 – Toy Story — The OG will almost always trump the sequels
Coco vs. Cars 2 – Coco — Coco may be the most recent, but Tow Mater can’t pull Cars 2 out of the muck
Toy Story 3 vs. The Good Dinosaur – Toy Story 3 — Andy grew up so quick…

Ratatouille vs. A Bugs Life – Ratatouille — I just don’t know that A Bugs Life stands up the test of time
Finding Nemo vs. Inside Out – Inside Out — The other tough matchup of the first round, and while Finding Nemo is probably Top-3 All-Time for me, Inside Out ranks just a little higher
Monsters Inc. vs. Cars – Monsters, Inc. — I love Lightning McQueen, but Mike Wazowski is a GOAT
The Incredibles vs. Wall-E – Wall-E — Say it in the slowest voice possible: “Wall-E”


SWEET SIXTEEN

Lion King vs. Lilo & Stitch – Lion King — Mufasa roars through to the Elite Eight
Tangled vs. Moana – Moana — Hei Hei, I’m going to beat you

Aladdin vs. The Little Mermaid – Aladdin — This is the toughest region, and the magic carpet ride will continue
Zootopia vs. Beauty and the Beast – Beauty and the Beast — Such a decision, but Lumiere will French all over the bunnies

Up vs. Toy Story – Toy Story — A really tight battle, but Woody and Buzz will continue too infinity and beyond
Coco vs. Toy Story 3 – Coco — No third-rate Toy Story is going to knock out Dia de Muertos

Ratatouille vs. Inside Out – Inside Out — The foods in Ratatouille are almost too much to handle, but the feelings are just going to push on thru
Monsters, Inc. vs. Wall-E – Monsters, Inc. — Robots and the future is cool, but I’d rather check out what’s under the bed


ELITE EIGHT

Lion King vs. Moana – Lion King — say Aloha to Moana, as the African pride stampedes on

Aladdin vs. Beauty and the Beast – Aladdin — Even to myself this was an upset…but Belle just can’t compete with Robin Williams and the Genie

Toy Story vs. Coco – Coco — Writing Andy on my shoe would’ve moved on a month ago, but now my life has changed and I will Forever Remember Coco

Inside Out vs. Monsters, Inc. – Monsters, Inc. — Another upset as Monsters, Inc. takes out Sadness, and Roz advances


FINAL FOUR

Lion King (1) vs. Aladdin (1) – Lion King — If this was the final matchup, I wouldn’t be upset. But regions are regions, and rules are rules…and Lion King is a Timon ahead of the competition…but they aren’t (Ja)far behind!!

Coco (3) vs. Monsters, Inc. (3) – Monsters, Inc. — I’m actually surprised at how far Sulley has stumbled thru this tournament


CHAMPIONSHIP

Lion King vs. Monsters, Inc. – LION KING — In this competition, they just can’t wait to be King. Monsters, Inc. is a really good, and somewhat underrated movie, but Simba will r

The trio behind Workaholics (Adam DeVine, Blake Anderson and Anders Holm) have made a Netflix movie, that is basically Die Hard: With a Dirty Vengeance.

Our three characters are housekeepers in a hotel, and terrible at their jobs, but they want to do more, and they may get their opportunity when their crazy perverted boss assigns them to the party of a lifetime with the Bae of Tunisia (Utkarsh Ambudkar).
But when the hotel gets taken over by his faux security team, in order to get all his money, our “heroes” hop into action to save the day.

From Home Alone style tricks to getting very lucky, the group will go to all ends to get out of the hotel in one piece.

This movie is loaded with big names, as Neal McDonough leads the security team (which includes Steve Howey), and random people are at the party (such as Joel McHale and Donald Faison).

Goofy and dirty, it’s a good release movie, and gets a 6.5 out of 10.

RokBlok: A Different Spin on Vinyl.

The idea is great: A Bluetooth speaker/transmitter that you place on top of a record, allowing you to play it wherever you’d like. No turntable needed.

But Pink Donut was a little bit off on their first try at this idea…and when I reached out for help, they quickly turned away once I got down to the real issues.

For starters, the instructions were a little confusing and could’ve been made a lot simpler by simply printing them on the unit itself.

Meanwhile, the connectors and indicators aren’t the greatest…notifying that the charging process was finished, when really it was still at the 25% mark, leading it to not work properly when I first tried it.

But when I finally got the instructions in order, and the battery fully charged, I excitedly put the box on top of my record, and round-and-round it went…with sound quality that was sour and unlistenable.
I tried it thru a Bluetooth speaker, in case the onboard speaker was faulty, with the same results. Terrible sound, and the company going silent on ideas and suggestions for how to modify the device and fix the problem.

It has been 100 days since I last reached out to them, but the time has come to post the review, and I’ll give it an 8 out of 10 on the idea, but a 2 out of 10 for execution.

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