Aviously

I’ve seen the movies you’ve made. You never had any pride. Why start now?

Before it even starts, the Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis gives him a kick straight where it counts. And while most of it is about making fun of his age, which is an old joke…they never won’t be funny.

Comedy Central always does a great job with these, and this one is no different, as Bruce Willis is a ready and willing target and most of the dais is funny. Here’s a rundown of the night’s cast:

• Roastmaster Joseph Gordon Levitt – He hit the mark on some, but missed on others, doing well as the host — B+
• Nikki Glaser – The Comedy Central Radio host kicks things off with her typical comedic style, which can be an acquired taste — B
• Kevin Pollak – The longtime funnyman pulls out his Christopher Walken impression, mixed into his great one-liners — A-
• Cybill Shepherd – She is one of the great understatements of this roast — B+
• Lil Rel – One of two “brothers” on the list, and the first to mention Yippee Ki Yay, he couldn’t wait to Get Out on stage — B
• Edward Norton – Maybe the greatest actor on stage, in the longest set of the night, breaks down Bruce’s career in the best ways possible — A
• Martha Stewart – Comedy legend, and a woman toughened by her time in jail, she gets better each time in front of a podium — B+
• Dom Irrera – An actual legendary comedian, Dom makes his presence felt, with laughter from start to finish — A
• Dennis Rodman – The worm has managed to get onto the stage, and that may have been the biggest mistake of the night, as his humor is just flat — C+
• Demi Moore – The ex makes an appearance, ribbing on his failures — B
• Jeff Ross – The Roastmaster General, and the one thing holding these roasts together (because he thinks a roast is a type of food), but he’s always funny — A-
• Bruce Willis – When the man of the hour gets on stage, he doesn’t let down, topping the night off right — A

Here are some of the lines I enjoyed more from it:

“Let’s see Bruce Willis in action, because no one wants to see him in comedy.” – Joseph Gordon Levitt

“Bruce was at Ashton’s wedding, with Demi. His gift was a toaster and 90 million dollars.” – Joseph Gordon Levitt

“It’s odd to see Dennis Rodman here. If you know Bruce…he’s not fond of the blacks.” – Kevin Pollak

“I had the honor of playing Martha Stewart in two different movies. But the only one to truly capture Martha, was the FBI.” – Cybill Shepherd

“I just look at our marriage like the Sixth Sense. You were dead the whole time.” – Demi Moore

“You look like Sir Patrick Stewart…if he operated a ferris wheel.” – Jeff Ross

“Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. It’s a Bruce Willis movie.” – Bruce Willis